Last week, I mentioned that one of my favourite quotes and illustrations on the importance of mindset is "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7)
You can find the others here if you missed it
"As a man thinketh" (based on the King James translation of that scripture) is also the name of one of my favourite self-help books
So if you're looking for further reading on this topic, definitely look it up, sis!
It's second chapter begins:
"A man's mind may be likened to a garden... Just as a gardener cultivates his plot, keeping it free from weeds, and growing the flowers and fruits which he requires, so may a man tend the garden of his mind, weeding out all the wrong, useless, and impure thoughts, and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and fruits of right, useful, and pure thoughts. By pursuing this process, a man sooner or later discovers...with ever-increasing accuracy, how the thought forces and mind elements operate in the shaping of his character, circumstances and destiny".
In other words we go in the direction of our belief system(s) and this is why mindset is so important. However, limiting belief systems can be overcome.
Here's how you can do that:
#1 Gain awareness of your limiting belief systems
When I wrote my Black Ballad article ("Are These Toxic Cultural Beliefs Holding You Back In Your Life & Business?") I got to interview a cognitive behaviour therapist named Amanda Bakare. During the interview she said:
“One of the things that we [my clients and I] talk about a lot is in terms of the way we think… If I'm already sitting there thinking that I can't do something, or I won't be able to, or they're going to think something of me, that mindset is going to limit me. So we need to find ways to challenge those inner thoughts, those thoughts that keep us where we are, those thoughts that keep us stagnant, or rigid or inflexible. It's all about…awareness”.
This is why I had you list your limiting beliefs around PR last week.
#2 Probe them
Now that you're aware of your limiting beliefs, Amanda recommends that you "first of all, start by understanding what is it that you are fearful of". So, for example, if you have a fear of public speaking- she states that you should ask yourself questions to try and find out why:
"So [if one of your fears around PR is] I don't like speaking in front of people... [ask yourself] why is that? [You might respond,] 'I just don't like people looking at me'. Well, what is it about people looking at you that concerns you? [You might then say] 'They might think X, Y, and Z about me'. [You would then probe deeper by asking yourself] 'Why does that concern you?'. So you [basically] dig and dig and dig and you find out what the real fear is. It's never just speaking in front of people. There's always something more that you're fearful of".
#3 Debunk your fears
She states further: "Understanding what the crux of the fear is, is helpful because sometimes you get to it and you [think to yourself] 'Why am I even thinking that? That's so ridiculous! They're not going to think I'm an idiot because I said one word wrong'." But until you probe your fears and challenge their legitimacy, you'll continue thinking: "'if I say this one word wrong, they're going to think I'm an idiot. They're going to laugh at me. Everyone's going to think I don't know what I'm doing'. And it spirals so much so [that] you work yourself up and then you can't do it".
#4 Gather evidence
Amanda then says "Now that we know that, actually, it's probably not that bad- How about we test it out? We [in my field of work] call that a behavioural experiment. So if my fear is speaking in front of [a group of] people, stuttering and having them laugh at me, then we say, okay, how do you feel about speaking in front of two people? You would then challenge your fears with facts by speaking in front of 2 audiences of that size. In the first one, do your speech as close to perfectly as you can. In the second one... intentionally stutter (they won't know that it's intentional though). Doing this allows you to see what the reaction is to your fear in real time and review it afterwards".
#5 Review the evidence
Amanda recommends the following questions to aid your review: "Did the thing that you most feared happen? If not, why not? What do you make of that? What did you think about it? Does that give you a bit more feedback and maybe, see in action, that, that way of thinking isn't entirely accurate?" Doing so will allow you "to see that the thoughts that [you're] having are not based on facts. So you [can pivot and] do different things".
With all of Amanda's steps in mind, which of the limiting beliefs that you journaled about last week can you begin to the process of uprooting TODAY?