equality

Why nice girls finish last

Why nice girls finish last

Not only does girls’ socialisation impact their ability to promote themselves and be visible, it can have negative repercussions for them when they do

For example according to The Harvard Business Review article, "Nice Girls Don’t Ask”:

“Women who assertively pursue their own ambitions and promote their own interests may be labelled as bitchy or pushy”

This means that “They frequently see their work devalued and find themselves ostracised or excluded…”

“More typically [these responses] are a product of society’s ingrained expectations about how women should act”

Meaning that women can be impacted by societal expectations and gender norms:

The answer?

Lessons from Mahlah and her sisters on How to overcome Limiting Beliefs caused by Gender Norms

Lessons from Mahlah and her sisters on How to overcome Limiting Beliefs caused by Gender Norms

Last week we discussed how legalistic religious beliefs within the church can stop women from walking in their purpose and fully showing up

Click here if you missed that, sis

This is important because it plays into culture

(which is the behaviours and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic or age group)

especially in terms of how girls are socialised which, in turn, has knock-on effects on our ability to show up, be visible and therefore make impact as women

For, as one of my favourite authors, Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche said:

“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller, we say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much.’ ‘You should aim to be successful, but not too successful…’”

which is why, according to research, women feel less at ease with promoting themselves than men- which in turn means that they're less likely to do it.

However…

Mahlah and her 4 sisters (Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah) teach us that the best way to overcome this is to:

Lessons from Mahlah and her sisters on the first step to self-advocacy

Lessons from Mahlah and her sisters on the first step to self-advocacy

In August 2017 I wrote an article called “Lessons from 5 Rebel Girls of the Bible”

Which you can access here, sis

Among those that got an honourable mention were Mahlah and her 4 sisters- Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah

To summarise Numbers 27:1-11, they were the daughters of Zelophehad and when he died they advocated for themselves regarding their inheritance

by standing

“before Moses, before Eleazar the priest, and before the leaders and all the congregation, by the doorway of the tabernacle of meeting, saying: 'Our father died in the wilderness...and he had no sons. Why should the name of our father be removed from among his family because he had no son? Give us a possession among our father’s brothers'"

Causing God to instruct Moses to give it to them

Like it literally says that, when Moses brought their case before the Lord, He spoke to him saying:

“The daughters of Zelophehad speak what is right; you shall surely give them a possession of inheritance among their father’s brothers, and cause the inheritance of their father to pass to them."

Which shows that God is an advocate of women's rights, equality and leadership- despite what we may have traditionally been taught

Lessons from Esther on 3 Mindset Blocks that Impact Your Visibility Efforts

Lessons from Esther on 3 Mindset Blocks that Impact Your Visibility Efforts

If you’ve been rocking with me for a while, you’ll know that I don’t believe in visibility for visibility’s sake or for selfish reasons

That’s first thing’s first

I believe that visibility is a tool for making positive impact in the world and that maximum impact will require maximum visibility

Because, as stated in my post about why we shouldn’t feel bad about promoting ourselves:

  • We are called to solve problems

  • Your success, especially financially, correlates with the amount of people that you serve by solving their problems

This is just one of many mindset blocks that need to be removed to avoid self-sabotaging our own visibility efforts, though. For example…

The events of Esther’s life shows us that we also need to know the following:

Lessons from Zipporah on how to be the change you want to see

Lessons from Zipporah on how to be the change you want to see

In my most recent blog post I talked about the importance of taking a stand with your messaging, even if it’s polarising

You can read that here if you missed it, sis

The truth is, though, that sometimes your presence can be polarising not just because of what you say- but who you are

Don’t believe me?

Just look at Zipporah

Number’s 12:1 is very explicit about the fact that “Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married…”. In other words-

They disliked her, not because of the content of her character, but because she was a minority

The worst part?

Lessons from Miriam on how to use your platform for social justice

Lessons from Miriam on how to use your platform for social justice

Last week, I mentioned in passing that Numbers 12 talks about Miriam and Aaron almost staging a coup against Moses because he married a black woman (Zipporah)

Click here if you missed it, sis.

What I didn't share was the aftermath

Basically God went ham on Moses' behalf by calling the 3 of them together; then:

  • Defending Moses

  • Striking Miriam with leprosy

Although Moses' prayer for her healing was eventually heeded, God still made her go through the recommended cleansing and separation process to teach Miriam a lesson. In other words-

God caused her to feel what it's like to be reviled, ostracised and hated for (leprous) skin that she had no control over and could do nothing about- just like Zipporah had been made to feel because of her blackness

Being a British citizen of Nigerian descent connects me with the African diaspora, including my African American brothers and sisters. They are me and I am them.

I talk about visibility all the time and how positive it can be but, as a black woman, I also know what it's like to be visible for all the wrong reasons- just like Zipporah, just like Ahmaud Aubrey, just like Breonna Taylor, just like George Floyd and countless others

All of whom have been tragically killed through acts of domestic terrorism (racism).

What we need is for our white counterparts- particularly those who claim to be our Christian brothers and sisters- to learn the same lesson Miriam did. To put yourself in our shoes. To empathise with us and stand with us. Since we didn't make or break the system, nothing changes until you do. Practical steps on how are given below from my friend Monique Melton (an antiracism educator, author, speaker and podcast host) pictured with me.

Lessons from Zipporah on How to Harness the Law of Reciprocity while Networking

Lessons from Zipporah on How to Harness the Law of Reciprocity while Networking

I hate to burst your bubble, sis, but…

<sigh>

As much as it’s really important to set a firm foundation for your networking and PR efforts by knowing your “why,” no-one else cares about it

#justsaying

“So how do I get other people to care about my mission and vision, Nina?” I hear you say

Well…

It all comes down to knowing how to harness the power of reciprocity

Which is something that is really well demonstrated through Moses and Zipporah’s relationship- as detailed in the video below.

Lessons from Eve on how to defy the curse & have a godly relationship

Lessons from Eve on how to defy the curse & have a godly relationship

So...if you've been rocking with me for a while then you will know that I have a real heart for women and all things female empowerment.

If you've been paying really close attention, you'll also know that a lot of the reason for this is because of things like:

  • Having a grandmother who was denied an education (whilst growing up in Nigeria) simply because she was female- restricting her options and quality of life

  • Witnessing multiple (other female) role models either forfeit their dreams, stay in abusive relationships or operate from a place of low self-worth

due to projected social norms, tradition and religion.

This is why I do what I do in terms of writing, mentoring, podcasting and speaking via the FarAboveRubiesCollection.com. (By changing the narrative for Christian women- one Bible story at a time- my mission is to help Christian women to know their worth, power and purpose so that they can speak up, step out and shine as women of God (rather than end up in the kinds of situations I grew up seeing)).

Well, recently I had the opportunity to take my message offline when I was invited to speak at the "Real Life" youth event at Edmonton Methodist Church, as shown via the video below.