toxicity

Lessons from Esther on the difference between influence and manipulation

Lessons from Esther on the difference between influence and manipulation

Last week we talked about the importance of giving before you get when it comes to leveraging our relationships through networking

This was something that Esther did with the King by throwing him 2 wine banquets before she so much as broached the subject of saving her people. Click here if you missed that, sis

Which is known as harnessing the law of reciprocity

Here’s the thing, though…

There is a thin line between harnessing the law of reciprocity and being manipulative

Which is yet another reason that networking gets the reputation of being icky and gross

Here are some key differences between the 2:

Lessons from esther on how to increase your visibility by transforming your mindset

Lessons from esther on how to increase your visibility by transforming your mindset

In my previous post, I talked about Hegai (the King’s eunch’s) role in helping Esther secure the crown

Click here if you missed that, sis

But that wasn’t the main thing that made the King choose her

“So, what was?!” I hear you ask

According to Esther 2:15 and 17, it was favour
So let’s break that down

When I hear the word “favour” it immediately puts me in mind of the concept of grace

Why?

Because grace is by definition “the unmerited favour of God”

In other words…

Without the belief that:

  1. You have God’s favour

  2. He will cause people to favour you also

  3. He made you “for such a time as this”

You won’t go towards your goals or the desires that He gave you

Because we go in the direction of of our beliefs

We see that play out in Esther 4:10-11 when Esther expressed fear of going to see the king about calling off the proposed genocide of her people

And…

We see it in modern day stats that show that women feel less at ease going for their goals by promoting themselves than men- which in turn means that they're less likely to do it.

Can you relate, sis?

What needs to be understood is that walking in God’s favour is a lifestyle that is born out of your mindset. Here are 4 tools that I use to develop it.

Lessons from Miriam on how to use your platform for social justice

Lessons from Miriam on how to use your platform for social justice

Last week, I mentioned in passing that Numbers 12 talks about Miriam and Aaron almost staging a coup against Moses because he married a black woman (Zipporah)

Click here if you missed it, sis.

What I didn't share was the aftermath

Basically God went ham on Moses' behalf by calling the 3 of them together; then:

  • Defending Moses

  • Striking Miriam with leprosy

Although Moses' prayer for her healing was eventually heeded, God still made her go through the recommended cleansing and separation process to teach Miriam a lesson. In other words-

God caused her to feel what it's like to be reviled, ostracised and hated for (leprous) skin that she had no control over and could do nothing about- just like Zipporah had been made to feel because of her blackness

Being a British citizen of Nigerian descent connects me with the African diaspora, including my African American brothers and sisters. They are me and I am them.

I talk about visibility all the time and how positive it can be but, as a black woman, I also know what it's like to be visible for all the wrong reasons- just like Zipporah, just like Ahmaud Aubrey, just like Breonna Taylor, just like George Floyd and countless others

All of whom have been tragically killed through acts of domestic terrorism (racism).

What we need is for our white counterparts- particularly those who claim to be our Christian brothers and sisters- to learn the same lesson Miriam did. To put yourself in our shoes. To empathise with us and stand with us. Since we didn't make or break the system, nothing changes until you do. Practical steps on how are given below from my friend Monique Melton (an antiracism educator, author, speaker and podcast host) pictured with me.

Lessons from Miriam on why lack of support is a blessing in disguise

Lessons from Miriam on why lack of support is a blessing in disguise

Do you watch Insecure, sis? If so, then you'll know that one of the overarching themes this season has been feeling a lack of support from the people you most expect it from when you're trying to birth your vision

(e.g. your best friend)

This theme of lack of support is something that we see through Miriam in Numbers 12 too…unfortunately, though, she’s not the hero in this story

Lessons from Jesus' Donkey on How to Dial Down Toxicity in your Life

Lessons from Jesus' Donkey on How to Dial Down Toxicity in your Life

Last week we talked about Jesus’ donkey and what she teaches us about how to overcome the insecurities that keep us from getting more visible

Remember that, sis?

Today, I will give you the practical steps for how to do this

As mentioned in last week’s post, a big part of letting go of insecurity is:

  • Loosing ourselves from other people’s opinion of us

  • Emancipating ourselves from mental slavery (Bob Marley)

Because it all comes down to mindset

Simply put-